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- Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.
- Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
- A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.
- A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
- Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place.
- Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.
- The follies which a man regrets most in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
- It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son -- and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
- Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
- No man can understand why a woman shouldn't prefer a good reputation to a good time.