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Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – 1914?) was an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist and satirist. Today, he is best known for his short story, "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and his satirical dictionary, The Devil's Dictionary. The sardonic view of human...
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Help turn Freebase into a giant dictionary of quotations by adding your favorite quotations here.To add a new quotation, follow these simple steps:Name the quotation. For relatively short quotations, the full quotation can be the title. For longer quotes, enter a part of the quotation as the title,...
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An inventor is a person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

An inventor is a person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

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The gambling known as business looks with severe disfavor on the business known as gambling.

The gambling known as business looks with severe disfavor on the business known as gambling.

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Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

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A man is known by the company he organizes.

A man is known by the company he organizes.

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Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.

Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.

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Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

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Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

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The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

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An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!

An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!

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Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

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A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

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Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

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A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

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Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

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When in Rome, do as Rome does.

When in Rome, do as Rome does.

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Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

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Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

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Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

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A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.

A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.

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Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

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Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

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A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

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Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.

Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.

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An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.

An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.

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Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

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Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

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Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

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Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. If we must have them, let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to MH.

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. If we must have them, let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to MH.

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Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.

Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.

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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

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Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.

Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.

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Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

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Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

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Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

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Woman absent is woman dead.

Woman absent is woman dead.

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Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

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Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

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To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

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An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

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Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.

Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.

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Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

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Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.

Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.

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Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

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Faith. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Faith. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

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Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

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Habit is a shackle for the free.

Habit is a shackle for the free.

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Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

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Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

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Truth -- An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

Truth -- An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

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Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

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Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

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Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.

Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.

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Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

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Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

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Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

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