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The Ankh-Morpork Beggars' Guild is a guild for panhandlers, down-and-outs and borderline cases in...

The Ankh-Morpork Beggars' Guild is a guild for panhandlers, down-and-outs and borderline cases in Ankh-Morpork, the largest city on the Discworld, the setting for the longrunning series of fantasy novels of the same name by Terry Pratchett. The Beggars' Guild is the oldest, largest and (perhaps surprisingly) richest of the city's many guilds. Its name is something of a contradiction: a trading organisation for a group of people who, by definition, don't actually trade in anything, except perhaps in the feeling on the part of the donator that he or she has done a good deed, or, and this is far more frequent, the peace of mind of knowing that the beggar, now appeased, will not bother the donator any more. In this sense, the Beggars' Guild is something like the Thieves' Guild; far more of its income comes from not performing their stated trade than from performing it. If one has a social function to organise, a quick payment to the Beggars' Guild ensures that no malformed, malodorous, drooling, pustule-encrusted babblers will appear to ruin it. Indeed, not making such a donation is a surefire method of ensuring that just that sort will turn up. The Beggars' Guild, like all the